August 7, 2010

Now I Lay Me Down

Recently, I had a week of feeling cruddy -- not sickly enough to race to the doctor, but just way less than great. So I did a lot of laying around, from the bed to the couch and back again. I slept and read and watched TV.

And I came to this amazing realization as I lay there.

My stomach never looks flatter than when I'm flat on my back!

I mean, seriously, no Spanx, no sucking it in, no sit ups, just looking naturally svelte. So now I'm wondering how I can keep this up. Can I cook or craft or clean -- scratch that, don't care about the cleaning -- while I'm laying there all stomach flatty? I was tempted to point it out to Hubby as in, "Hey, look at how flat my stomach is," but I didn't want him to catch on to the fact that I was stretching this laying around thing out to look good.

Louis' stomach looks flatter when he lays on his back, too!

Living in Arizona during the Summer, it's guaranteed to be over 100 degrees every day for months so our air conditioning and ceiling fans run non-stop. But still, even with all the cooled air circulation, every night between 2 and 3 a.m., I wake up hot. Hot as in I'm suffocating, I'm misting (a guy where I worked once told me that ladies don't sweat, they mist), the sheets feel uncomfortable. I have to get up and walk around for a minute, get a cold drink, air off a little.

Sometimes I can go right back to bed. Most of the time, I end up staying awake for hours if I go back to sleep at all. I'll go out to the kitchen and sit right under the a/c vent, reading blogs and emails for as long as it takes to cool down. Hubby will come out and check on me, make sure I'm okay and always asks me to come back to bed. If I'm feeling sleepy, I will, and if I'm lucky, I go back to sleep for a while. He will hold my hand or put his hand on my arm or shoulder in a comforting gesture -- which, frankly, is usually too hot for me and starts the process all over again. I don't know about you, but when I'm hot or having that hot flash kind of feeling, I cannot stand to be touched. I have to throw the dogs off my lap and give Hubby the evil eye. Back off, I'm hot ... Do. Not. Touch. Me.

This morning after he came out to check on me, I went back to bed but then neither one of us could go back to sleep. So we just talked and scratched puppy ears and listened to the monsoon wind blowing around the corner of the house.

And I rolled over toward him and put my hand on his arm in a comforting gesture -- and he screeched at me, "Don't touch me, it's too hot!"

I laughed so hard that I couldn't catch my breath. I do that on occasion. Get the giggles and just lose it. Drives our youngest daughter crazy because if she starts laughing with me, we're done for and it's almost always out in public. Once I was in a water aerobics class with a friend and got started laughing like that -- nearly drowned and disrupted the class in the process. Not everyone thinks it's funny!

So now my quest is to come up with a profession where I can make good money while I lay on the family room couch and admire my flat stomach. They have pens that write upside down. I wonder if I can rig my laptop upside down over me.


Joann Mannix said...

I have always admired the fact my hipbones jut out when flat on my back. There's something big to be said for that position.

And the hot thing has just started with me and it is awful. The furnace rages and I just want to rage at everything and anything in my way.

I hope you're feeling better.

Michelle @ Flying Giggles said...

You are hilarious!

I hope you get some sleep soon...I think you might be getting delirious! Just kidding...stay cool!

kayembee said...

Auto mechanic? LOL!

Tightwad Mom said...

You are hilarious! I hate to be touched when I'm hot,too! I am not a huge fan of hot summer weather for that reason! Oh, well in Idaho hot weather only last about 3 months. It will be snowing again before I know it!

Baby Sister said...

I've noticed the same thing about laying down. I love it!! If you figure out a job, let me know...
I'm the same way when I'm hot. Do NOT touch me or both of us will die!!
Hope you get feeling better soon!!

heavenisabookstore said...

Did you know your boobs are smaller lying on your back? Your pic of Louis cracks me up!

Angie said...

I love the flat belly when laying on your back, but hate that I could pass for a young boy if you look at my chest LOL

We might have to invent something to suspend a laptop... hmmmm

Too funny about hubby saying Don't touch me LOL

Noelle said...

I like the way you think! I have the same problem with waking up in the middle of the night hotter than I ever am during the day.

I'll be happy for fall!

Snowcatcher said...

I hope like heck you're feeling better now. And if you figure out a way to rig your laptop so you can work while you're stretching that ab, you darn sure better let all us ladies know step-by-step instructions! You wouldn't want to be the only one with that beautiful bod, right? :D

Kathleen said...

What a great post...made me smile!

Duchess said...

O.M.Goodness...i totally got the giggles the other night too and laughed for a straight 30 minutes. My mom and I are always trouble if we giggle together!

lisaschaos said...

LOL! I have been known to lay, all stomach flatty, with computer on belly and type away, lol. I love those moments of lazing in bed and chatting, we haven't had one of those spells for way too long, the business of life. sigh. I wake up nearly nightly too hot too, it is so maddening.