June 23, 2010

Vomit Heave Hurl Puke Spew

Noelle from Because Nice Matters left the following comment on one of my recent Post-It Note Tuesday posts about drinking out of random cups and glasses ...

True Story: 

Once my little sister was at work and she was sick. She needed to throw up but couldn't make it to a bathroom, so instead she threw up in a cup.

Before she could throw the cup away another sister came along and thought the cup held a shake...

You can guess what happened next. STILL makes me want to gag just thinking about it! 

This, of course, spurs me on to do a post about all the vomit stories I can remember. I know it's wrong, but it makes me laugh so I won't be apologizing!
     Let's start with my younger sisters sharing a bedroom. My middle sister lost it in the middle of the night on the floor between their twin beds and I could hear my baby sister saying in as disgusted a voice as a small kid can muster, "Oh no, look what you did to Mom's rug!" We had some beautiful old rag rugs that were apparently pretty precious, even to us kids. That always makes me smile.
     As a young adult, I knew a guy who was fortunate enough to have a gorgeous brand new red TransAm, which was one of the hottest cars around at the time. He'd taken a bunch of friends out drinking one night and the guy riding shotgun was feeling sickly. As he could feel the booze coming back up, he frantically rolled the window down (these were old-fashioned manual crank handles) so he could hurl out the window. Except the window was already down so he ended up rolling it back up and splattering all over the inside of the window where it ran down into the door. That beautiful car was never the same!
     When our kids were young, I along with the Oldest Daughter (about 4 at the time) and the Youngest Daughter (age 2) piled into the car with a girlfriend of mine and her two kids and we went apartment hunting for her. It was a warm day and we had no air conditioning in the car. Finally, everyone was hot, exhausted, thirsty and starving so we stopped at a fast food restaurant where we all got burgers, fries and sodas.
     OD always had a good appetite and would cheerfully eat anything put in front of her without complaint. And she would always happily finish anything YD didn't eat.
     YD was in a restaurant high chair, gulping down her food when it apparently didn't sit well with her and she blew it all right back out into the tray of the high chair. Chunks of hamburger and french fries were floating in root beer. For just a second, the five of us sat there open-mouthed, looking at her in shock and horror. In fact, everyone in the restaurant had stopped to watch.
     OD, with her history of finishing YD's leftovers said loud and clear, "I'm not going to eat that."
     Another story around the same time was when OD got the stomach flu in the middle of the night. She walked into my bedroom, said, "Momma?" I sat up and turned on the light just as she threw up all over the foot of my bed. This was after she had already puked in her own bed. That was a long night of stripping beds and doing laundry. Not one of my fonder memories!
     When YD was in high school, I had free movie passes to a completely inappropriate movie (but that's another story) and she was the only one available to go with me. As we were driving to the movie theater, she said she wasn't feeing well. Then as we rounded the corner at the mall, she rolled her window down and threw up something colorful all down the side of my white car. Of course, I was driving, but I looked over as she blew. There were quite a few people standing on that corner watching this happen. If you could have seen the looks on their faces. Moments later, after we got to the theater, we got cups of water to wash the side of the car off and we stayed for the movie. She was a trouper!
     About this same time, YD decided she wanted to take flying lessons so she talked Hubby/Daddy into going with her. They went up in a Cessna out of the Scottsdale Airport. She could not have been more excited or happy ... until her undigested burrito lunch revolted. Unfortunately, she was actually at the controls when this happened with the instructor sitting next to her. It was warm in the plane and she had already said she wasn't feeling great. The instructor opened several little windows to allow air ventilation. When she threw up, she managed to get most of it out the window by the pilot's seat; however, it went right back into the rear window and landed on her Dad's lap and the back seats.
     In the early 80s, we were relocating to Southern California for my job. We flew in to make arrangements and Hubby had several job interviews scheduled. We had an incredible rib dinner and headed to the hotel. During the night, Hubby bolted out of bed in the dark and ran toward the bathroom. Just as I switched on the light, he projectile vomited his entire rib dinner. I am not kidding, it was like the Exorcist without all the green.
     He was determined to make his first job interview the next morning so we headed north on the PC1. It was a long, traffic clogged drive on the freeway. We stopped at a Burger King and I got an order of French Toast Sticks. Hubby took one look at my food and ended up in the bathroom with his tie flung over his shoulder heaving again. Bless his heart, he still went to several job interviews that day and did an admirable job of faking good health even though it seemed like he threw up all over California.
     The granddaughter, a toddler at the time, was staying at our house and got sick. We had white ceramic floor tile then and she blew chunks from her bedroom door across the hall and into the bathroom doorway. I heard all the noise and came running. As I rounded the corner, she was standing in the middle of it in her little nightgown crying, "Nana, I growed up!" And that's the one we all say now.
      All of my personal stories seem to revolve around food -- you know when you eat something and upchuck it and then the memory won't allow you to eat it again for a long time. Some of the worst were kettle corn and hot dogs. I did have a truly unfortunate episode of food poisoning once after eating a grilled cheese sandwich in a diner. Thought I was going to turn myself inside out on that one.

I'll leave you with this weird little ditty we used to sing about Comet cleanser when we were kids ...

Comet, it makes your teeth turn green
Comet, it smells like gasoline
Comet will make you vomit
So buy some Comet and vomit today!

We thought it was hilarious!!!


Joann Mannix said...

I loved the Comet song! Thanks for that memory.

All your stories were great, but the one that had me laughing hysterically, was when your girl said, "I'm not going to eat that." That is just fabulous.

I hardly have any vomit stories compared to yours. My middle girl did do the throw up in the middle of the night all over me, when she was little. And then there was the time, I had my first and only run-in with tequila. I made it to my front door and then I heaved all over the door. My mom woke me in the morning, after figuring out it was me. I had to wash that door in my state of disgrace in the heat. Worst punishment ever.

Oh, and that Noelle, she is just the loveliest girl in the world, isn't she?

Lori @ RRSAHM said...

Hahaha blergh! So funny yet so gross!!

Dazee Dreamer said...

I growed up. toooooo cute

Anonymous said...

love the photo!
sorry...couldn't read all the vomit stories -- i just had breakfast!

heavenisabookstore said...

Ewwww! My fav though has always been - I growed up. She was so little and adorable!

Just Breathe said...

Sorry I couldn't read these but wanted you to know I stopped over.

juliet said...

grossly hilarious!

The Drama Mama said...

These are great!! I loved the "I'm not eating that" story the best. Three cheers for the vomit (and poop)that keeps life interesting!

Snowcatcher said...

I haven't had lunch yet, and I don't know that I can now, but this was great! Number three was my favorite.

Tightwad Mom said...

Oh, your vomit stories have brought back so many puke stories of my own! I have a question, though.Why will a sick child walk all the way down the hall,in the dark, in the middle of the night to tell you they are going to puke, and then do it on you, or the floor, or the dry clean only comforter, instead of walking across the hall into the bathroom and throw up in the toilet, and then walk down the hall to tell you they were sick! I don't need visual confirmation to believe them, for Pete's sake!

Elizabeth @ Southern Comfort said...

I am so happy I'm not the only one who gets a kick out of potty humor. :) Enjoyed all your stories.

amandab said...

I coul not read the stories .. just the thought of vomit makes me queasy!

Funny picture though!

Happy WW, thanks for stopping by :)

Spice said...

Love the picture!!!! :)

Marice said...

LOL!!!! fun stories! but the vomit, ewwkkk! hehehhe

oh btw, that was taken from a malls' parking lot :)

Loren said...

oh my goodness! these are hilarious and gross at the same time

I cannot even imagine being in a plane and throwing up on the pilot! i would DIE!!! thank goodness it was dad instead but still!

you always make me laugh and today did not disappoint!

Cheeseboy said...

Holy cow, that is more vomit than I can stomach. I loved #4 the best and now I have an idea for next Halloween.

Marvelous Mommy said...

Gross but funny at the same time! I love the picture!

kayembee said...

From now on it will cost you a dollar to use me in a story, Big Sister! ;)

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