June 16, 2010

A Friendly Chat About Hormones

I was just sippin' on a Mike's Hard Black Cherry Lemonade and thinking about hormones. Now if you haven't tried one of these tart, refreshing, slightly alcoholic beverages, you are missing out. I know they're low in alcohol content because I am a verified light-weight when it comes to drinking and I can consume a whole Mike's and barely get a buzz on. Unlike tequila shooters, which I adore, and which for me, imbibing more than one signals the beginning of the end of the party pretty quickly.

I am an expert on the subject of hormones, having had raging, out of control hormones for many years. This was mostly nipped in the bud the day I had my hysterectomy a little over seven years ago or as it's known around here, The Day Momma Got Her Happy On. I spent many, many years searching for the right combination of herbs or drugs or whatever it takes to quell the hormonal beast within and, truly, never found anything that really worked. I once told a doctor that if she didn't immediately prescribe something good for me, I was going to drive straight over to the nearest high school, stand on the corner and score something good for myself. She did not laugh ... of course, I really wasn't trying to be funny!

At the height of my hormonal hell, the revolving front door had been in operation and we had living with us {again} our oldest daughter, granddaughter, youngest daughter, her two cats and our two dogs. It was a freakin' zoo. And as wonderful as they all are, when Mom's in the house, it is expected that she will do most of the cooking, cleaning and heavy lifting. Okay, I didn't really do any heavy lifting - Hubby did that - but I liked the way it sounded.

One day a few months before my scheduled surgery, YD announced that she was going to look for her own apartment. Chances are good, she wasn't enjoying my constant snarling. Her comment triggered that switch in my brain that brings on a rampage and I suggested OD do the same. I basically told everybody to get the hell out. Now I'm guessing that that Mom of the Year trophy is never coming. OD then snarled at YD, "Thanks a lot!" She was assuming that she and the granddaughter would have more room to spread out once YD and the cats left the building. Wrong! I was ready for some peace and quiet.

And I got it. They all found cute apartments about a mile away, so still close enough for friendly visits ... but gone. When I had the surgery, I was told to stay in bed for a week. And I so took advantage of that. Every time I woke up, Hubby fed me another pain pill and I went back to sleep. He unplugged the phone and told everybody to leave me alone so I could rest. When I finally crawled back out into the land of the living, I played the messages on our answering machine. YD had left several that sounded like this: "Mom ... Mom ... did you die? Dad won't let us talk to you or see you or anything. Mom???" It was absolute heaven. The doctor suggested a 6-week recovery. I bounced up with more energy than I'd had -- maybe ever -- and was back to work in less than 3 weeks. Feeling marvelous! Happy! Hormone free!

So I see these ads for organic, free range, 100% hormone free chickens and I worry. I worry about all the chickens out there on the chicken ranch with hormones. Raging hormones. Can you imagine all those hormone crazed chickens pecking each other? God! What a nightmare!!! I'll bet the roosters are a twitchy, psychotic mess, sleeping with one eye open and looking over their shoulders as they go about their roosterly duties. Gives a whole new meaning to the term hen-pecked, doesn't it?

As I take another pull on my Mike's, I will leave you with a joke. This, historically, is the first off-color joke Hubby ever told his parents at the ripe young age of 8 or so.

How do you make a hormone?

Don't pay her!  ;-D


☼¨`*•.♥RocĂ­o♥.•*¨`☼ said...

Mike's Hard lemonade ROCKS!!!!
Love it DUDE!!!

Trac~ said...

LMAO! I've NEVER had Mike's Hard Lemonade (shocker, I know) - LOL However, regarding the "raging" hormones - I am SO there with you -as in, been there, done that. I had a complete hyst at the ripe old age of 28 - I am now 42. My doc wants to keep me on (but wean me at the same time) of the hormone pills and have me completely off them by the time I am 50. Gosh I sure hope he knows what he's doing and it will be good that my kids are gone too by that time - but oh, my poor hubby! HA! Have a great day! :o)

Life with Kaishon said...

Oh my gosh! I can't believe he told them that joke. Did they DIE? : ) What a fun post. I am so glad you linked up at Communal Global today! Delightful! We would love if you put our link in your post somewhere so people could come over and find us and maybe link up too! Thanks a million ba jillion! Have a great and hormone free day!

Angie said...

Oh my goodness - you had me laughing hysterically at work!!!

My mom is going throught the horrible world of MEN-O-PAUSE right now and she told my sister (who still lives at home 25 yr old) that the only reason she has to live is her grandkids!

Those poor hormonal chickens LMAO

Love the joke too!! Funny!!

caite said...

I, as another hyst "survivor', agree on the power of those hormones thingies!
but the really important thing here is that I had no idea Mike's made a Hard Black Cherry Lemonade! I have to check that out...lol

heavenisabookstore said...

I am feeling a bit of the hormones right now. Crazy that it feels like I can feel my blood pumping through my veins. Mike's hard lemonade gives me a bit of heartburn too. Try Zima those are good too and flavored.

Dazee Dreamer said...

omg, I loved the joke!!!!!! And so glad that you are not a raging beast anymore. Those days suck.

Kristi {at} Live and Love...Out Loud said...

Oh my goodness! This sounds so familiar. My mom went on a hormonal rampage before she finally got on meds. It was pretty crazy. Thanks for the laugh!
And thanks for stopping by my place. Have a great day.

Kristi, Live and Love...Out Loud

Elizabeth @ Southern Comfort said...

Oh. My. Gosh. You had me laughing so hard thinking about those poor roosters!

I too love Mikes Hard lemonade. They're my favorite summer sippage. I'm also a lightweight and I can have 2 of these without feeling like I'm going to slip into the pool accidentally. :)
Happy Summer!

cathyjoy said...

lmao thinkin about twitchin roosters! you are so stinkin funny - i'll do tequila shooters with you anytime!

Alexis AKA MOM said...

You freaking crack me up!

Hen-pecked ... hehe

That is too funny, dad knocked mom out and buried her in the backyard that is why she's not calling you... hehe

Love Mike's Hard Lemonade the pomegranate is so yummy!!

Alexis AKA MOM said...

P.S. Thank you for singing me happy Birthday LOVED it!!!

Haven't posted the recipe yet but soon :). Quilters rock I could never be one or do one again ... lol. LOVE that recipe I saved it to make this weekend!!

Joann Mannix said...

Oh, girl. I was in the same boat as you. But, I found this really wonderful doctor who was an expert on female hormones and constantly said that the medical world has completely ignored the fact that hormones rule a woman's physical and emotional well being. He straightened out my hormones well and good with some testing and natural creams.

But, even with that, the uterus had to go. And what a jig-dancing, clap-slapping day that was.

A friend of mine gave me a gift of a phrase a few years back and now I'm giving the gift to you: She said, tell everyone you've had your whore of a uterus taken out. I LOVED that. And now, please feel free to do the same.

The Drama Mama said...

Hmmm...I wonder if that's whats wrong with me because I know it just couldn't be my 10 yr old wiht ADHD, or my 2 yr old with his mad Mack Daddy skills, or my hubs, who does ABSOLUTELY NOTHING when he comes home from work but "go to bed" yet actually watches tv for the next 3 hours. It just COULDN'T be that...;)

LMAO at the hen-pecked roosters and the joke.

family of 4 on the move! said...

Ok I have tried the lemonade one..Yummmmmmm so now I have to try that one!!
Head on over to my blog I got a little something for ya!!

Noelle said...

LOL!!! LOVED the joke!!!

Kristen said...

That is an awesome joke! It reminds me of my cousin Morgan's joke that he told at family Christmas several years ago:

What do blonds and vacuums have in common?

They suck, blow, and get laid in closets.


GrammyMouseTails said...

ROTFLOL!! Oh girl I am so there! lived it, done & over... took me until 43 to find a doctor that would do the 'deed'... even tho I was crazed & bleeding all over every month... I know I have nightmares of some of my PMS-episodes! I can only imagine the kids! glad I no long have the monthly... but I never could take any hormones... not even herbal or other natural alternatives, if they act like a hormone I start getting the bad pains of a blood clot again! no thanks! I live with the hot flashes & mostly night sweats... I know you've been by for WW this week, but did you read the post prior to it? labeled 'the Ladies Room'? this post reminds me of it, it is like the sequel! LOL! thanks for the chuckle & have a great week!
Faythe @GrammyMousetails!

Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

I couldn't stop giggling about the homonal, rage filled chickens! Now? I 've been having some hormone issues, maybe i need to chat with you!

Queen Bug said...

Like you... I do not speak of the insanity horomones bring on... my hubby and kids suffer for it. I love this post... great thing to read after I walk in the door. :)

Enjoy your Mikes! It's tasty as tasty as you say.

ChristiS said...

LOVE it! I may have to try that flavor of Mike's, sounds yummy! I can relate to hormonal problems, being a mommy of a 2 month old...I don't think hubby knew what hit him last night, in fact! LOL *blushing*

Anonymous said...

Great post! Thanks for the laugh .. as I sit here "flashing" LOl!

Sue said...

I used to like the different Mike's but last 2 times I drank anything I felt nauseous & had a splitting headache, so I don't really drink anymore.

Haven't been through to much hormone things yet, but the "change" may be coming soon. People always dread it, but I would be happy with it.

Hope you have a great day♥

Tiffanee said...

Ok! You made me laugh so hard!! I totally can relate to the raging hormones and would love to have a hysterectomy. So glad to hear it worked for you! Loved the joke. Just what I needed tonight! Thanks for a good laugh.

lisaschaos said...

LOL! I was laughing as I read your story as it sounded very near my own story! I was even diagnosed bipolar before my hysterectomy, lol. But the surgery fixed it all, then you bring on the chickens and LOL!!!